Setting the Bar

I’ve spoken before about judging others and judging ourselves. The first is very easy, the second is very easy to get wrong.  A different aspect of this came to mind, and that is the idea of where we set our bar.  In other words, the goals/standards that we set in any/every area of life will determine how our life plays out.  The thing that really stimulated this line of thinking is that of raising children.  So often we hear about so-and-so’s kids are “such good kids”.  This is all fine but by what standard are those child being judged?  If we as parents set a standard or a “bar” that we expect our children to attain, we ought to be aware of how it is that we are actually determining that standard.

If we set the standard very low or set it according to worldly standards, it would be pretty easy for a child to be labeled as “good”.  Whereas if we look to those in the past, or those within a markedly Christian culture, we will find that the label “good” will be much more difficult to attain.  I suppose determining our expectations requires some real wisdom.

One very difficult aspect of this is the responsibility of helping our children attain these goals.  As is typical of goal setting, we choose a goal that we would like to attain, but have not yet done so.  In other words, we may be choosing goals for our children that we ourselves have not attained, which introduces a real difficulty in leadership.  Especially when we can only provide a bad example.  Children will follow our actual example far more than our verbal instruction.

The end result of this thought process should be two fold. One, we must deliberately think through and establish a realistic but yet worldview appropriate standard for ourselves and our children. And don’t be afraid to seek out help in this regard.  Two, it will be of no value to us to judge, critique or analyze other people in this regard, for their standard may be way out of alignment with what we regard as “good“.  This even goes as far as seeing others children and lamenting why their kids seem so “good” when our own seem rebellious.  It may be that their standard would not be acceptable to us.

This is not about “the ends justify the means” but instead, “x” is our goal, we should not compromise to successfully attain a lower standard.