Rejecting Grief

 

            If you have something or someone in your life that is actively moving you away from beauty, away from holiness, and away from personal sacrifice, why would you continue to wallow in grief at their departure? Because we as humans are very limited in our perspective, in our understanding, and in wisdom, we cannot see the long-term goal that God has in place for us. Sometimes things or people will depart, which over a long period of time will prove to be to our benefit.

               Like the athlete who only sees the pain, the discomfort and the struggle of overcoming weight loss, overcoming weakness, and feeling frustration at not making fast enough progress, we need to remember that what is happening at the moment is for our good, for our benefit, and is moving toward a better goal than we can have ever imagined.

               If we can learn to step outside of ourselves, and look at the details from a different perspective, it is wise to gain wisdom and understanding from others who have more experience, more knowledge, and greater wisdom that we do. We need to learn to not see only what we desire and learn to see the change in path, in direction, and the new goal which will make us a better and stronger person.

               This is a matter of humility and acknowledging what we lack. Be very careful from whom you take and follow advice, there are many people who consider themselves wise and experienced, if these people are not helping you move toward goodness, kindness, love, holiness, and concern for others, then you need to step away from them, and find someone who is genuinely wise and experienced.

               Prepare yourself to reject the grief that follows from the loss of someone who you believed to be helping you. To continue to wallow in grief over the loss of someone who has been dragging you down, corrupting you, and feeding your weakness is a foolish position to take. Instead embrace the joy of moving on to something bigger and better, knowing that God is bringing about what is for your benefit.

Intentional Deception

 

            There are at least two versions of ourselves, one of these we put on display for others to see, the other one we keep hidden within ourselves because we are often ashamed of that second version. Most people want others to think well of them, want others to think that everything is going well, and that we are stable, loving, kind, and considerate, rather than self-centered and selfish. With this in mind, we present the best version of ourselves to keep everyone thinking that we have everything together and our lives are in good shape.

               We encounter many different types of people as we move through different social circles, different places of work, and our interaction with our relatives. Thankfully, we often keep our hidden desires from expressing themselves in reality, we do this in order not to get arrested for reacting to how some people treat us. To put it in the simplest of terms, we intentionally deceive others so they think well of us, think highly of us, and do not think poorly of us because of our honest response to unkind words or unkind actions toward us.

               This is where the importance of prayer is vital for our wellbeing. When criminal or abusive ideas drop into our minds, we need to immediately drive away this corruption away from us as quickly as possible. We do this by calling out to God through the intercession of Jesus Christ on our behalf, through the prayers of our guardian angels, and the prayers of others. It is a dangerous thing to dwell on corruption, to dwell on cruelty, or to allow wickedness to seep into us, all of which draws us away from beauty, from light, from love, and from kindness to others.

               Instead of thoughts of hostility, instead of unkind or cruel actions against those who intentionally oppress us, the best response is prayer for this person that they would move away from a life of corruption, away from a life of blind selfishness, and away from perversion and idolatry. Our prayers, our words, and our actions are all tools for positively influencing those around us.

               Do not allow the thoughts, the ideas, and the suggestions of cruelty from the evil ones that surround us move us to impose ugliness or sin toward others. Reject thoughts of evil and instead respond with love, with kindness, and with actions that move others toward that which is good, is right, is beautiful, and is kind.

Will It Be Seen as Beautiful?

 

            The most common response when someone reviews and critiques their own life, their life choices, and their interaction with others typically tends toward forgiveness of self and harsh words and attitude toward others. Historically, the Church has taught that we must be more critical of ourselves and not critical of others. We need to think of others as holier than ourselves, for we know our own weaknesses and we do not know what formed others into who they are today.

               It is a sad reality that others will speak well of us at our funeral, after we have already left behind those we love and possibly departing for eternity before we have completed what we desired to do before we pass into eternity. The Church has always taught us that God gives us every day to repent, to confess, and to strive after holiness and that we must not waste that time in pursuit of pleasure and passions.

               I strongly recommend that you spend a few minutes each day documenting what you have accomplished, how you have positively impacted others, and if you are genuinely on a path toward holiness. Over the last twenty centuries of Christian history, we have learned from holy men and holy women that we do not know how much time we have before we are taken into the presence of God.

               One day we will stand before the dread judgment seat of Christ and will need to answer for everything we did and did not do. Did you spend your time, your energy, and your money on promoting holiness, pursuing righteousness, and pursuing truth? After you have reposed, will others look back on your life and see beauty, see truth, see holiness, and see love? Do you see Jesus in every person that you meet?

               What will others say about you after you have moved into eternity? Were you a good person, did you pursue holiness, did you love and provide for others or were you self-centered, selfish, and a lover of pleasure? After you have begun documenting how you have spent your time, your energy, and your money, do you need to make a change in your life path? If so, start with that change immediately because you do not know if today is your last day.

The Parts That Are Ignored

 

                Most people spend their time distracting themselves from things uncomfortable, from things awkward, and from interacting with strangers. At the same time, we do not know what is taking place in someone’s mind, in someone’s heart, and in the secret lives of others. In many cases, people don’t want to be a burden on others and will wear a mask that shows happiness, contentment, and satisfaction with one’s current life situation.

               The cold, the sad, the miserable, and the shriveled soul desires to remain hidden and unknown to others. Frequently when someone comes into a room, they want to be the center of attention, the one that people enjoy interacting with, and the one who tells the good stories, and the funny jokes. Every person wants to be seen as the friendly, the loving, and the attractive one that draws everyone’s attention and preference for interaction.

               Are you the one to whom people go for encouragement, for energy, and for wisdom? If you are, do you have someone from whom you can gain these things when you are in need? Each person has only so much strength, so much wisdom and so much energy to share, eventually these things will deplete, will run out, and will leave you feeling empty when you give it all away to others. If you drain yourself, you will be miserable, you will be lonely and there is a good chance that when that happens, you will have nothing left to keep yourself going.

               When we meet someone, sometimes that person will communicate their miserable state by their words, the look in their eyes and their actions. Don’t be the only one giving, be the one who gives, encourages, and supports but also find someone from whom you can be strengthened and encouraged, so that you are not left empty and alone.

               In most cases, people need input, need love, need interaction, and have a passion for peace. There are a few people out there who are crushed by the oppression of social interaction, the drain of putting out too much, and find that solitude creates a setting for them to find peace, find happiness, and find joy, without having to consistently push back against others who only want to drain them so as to build themselves up.

               Do not feel guilty if you need quiet time, if you need solitude, and you need peace rather than pretending to enjoy social interaction and wearing a fake mask so that others think that everything is good with you. Don’t be the one who only puts out, who always depletes yourself so that others can be built up and encouraged. Find someone to help you so that you can be genuine with who you truly are.

               Honesty is always better because deception against yourself and against others does no one any good. Identify your weaknesses, find someone who can help you grow, who can help you overcome those things that are corrupting and polluting your life, so that you can grow, be strong, and become a better person.

Secrets You Don't Know

 

                Everyone has weaknesses, has faults, is self-centered and egotistical, with this sort of mind in place that controls us, we will tend to judge others who are different from us, we look upon the sins and faults of others and condemn them for their bad choices. At the same time, we fail to see our own weaknesses, our own faults, our own downfalls, and the offenses we commit in the sight of God, forgetting that our sins are our responsibility. The sins that others embrace and practice are none of our business, unless this person asks for our input, guidance, or thoughts.

               The first error we make when we look upon others, when we judge others, and when we condemn others, we forget that each person had a childhood, had interaction with others, and often times suffered under the hands of someone who was supposed to care for them. If you enjoyed a childhood free of abuse, free of neglect, and filled with love and protection, you need to remember that not everyone enjoyed that kind of love and safety.

               When we see someone else acting, speaking, or thinking in a certain way, we need to remember that they are thinking, speaking, and acting in this way because of how they were formed, how they were raised, and how others spoke to them while they transitioned through childhood and into adulthood. It should be common sense to understand that those with whom we interact will not share the secrets, the abuses, and the torments they endured as a child.

               The metaphor of art can be used to understand why someone is the way they are, why they think, speak, and act the way they do. If someone gives you a lump of clay and instructs you to make something out of it, it is your responsibility to make something, hopefully something beautiful. If you are ignorant, mean spirited, and uncultured, your creation will likely not be beautiful. The fruit of your work will be a reflection of the state of your heart, soul, and mind.

               If you meet someone, or interact with someone who is socially inept, who seems incapable of expressing love and kindness, then it is very likely that you may be the one person who can love them, help them, and draw them toward that which is good, right, and beautiful. If everything they experienced in their childhood was abuse, unkindness and neglect, do your best to be a display of love and kindness so that they can become a different and better person.

               Historically, the Church has communicated that every person that we meet is an image of Jesus Christ, therefore we need to see them, help them, direct them, and love them. Every person is made in the image of God and deserves to be loved, deserves to be protected, and deserves kind words regardless of how difficult it may be to give kindness and love in the face of anger, disdain, and hatred. The Christian faith is summarized with two simple phrases: love God and love your neighbor. If you cannot love your neighbor, then you cannot love God.

               Ask yourself a simple question, how do you want others to treat you? Do you want disdain, anger, and unkindness poured out upon you. Most people have the tendency to downplay their own sins, downplay their own weaknesses, and are quick to judge and condemn others for their sins. Be the person in someone else’s life who will encourage them, who will build them up, and will draw them toward holiness and a change of life toward something good and beautiful.

Surrounded

                Historically speaking, the historic Christian Church speaks about being surrounded in two ways. First, as is mentioned in Holy Scripture, we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses. This is referring to everyone who is part of the people of God, either physically alive or reposed. This concept is clearly seen in the use of icons in the Church for the last twenty centuries. Acknowledging and using icons in the Church services and in prayer communicates the truth that those who have physically reposed are still part of the one, true, holy, apostolic Church.

               Second, all of mankind is constantly surrounded by angelic powers and by demonic powers. The angelic powers are present to protect us, guard us, and drive away the attacks of the evil ones. When a man sins, he is creating a barrier between himself and the angelic powers. Sin is something that goodness, holiness, and purity cannot stand to see or face. The idea that sin is contrary to life, contrary to holiness, and contrary to pursing the path of that which is good, right, and true needs to be kept in the forefront of one’s mind.

               Even now as you are reading this, you are surrounded by the people of God, either physically alive or physically reposed. You are also surrounded by angelic powers who are seeking to protect you and guard you from the attacks of evil. You are also surrounded by demonic powers who will use every opportunity to corrupt you and drive you toward wicked behavior, wicked thoughts, and wicked words.

               Think of your mind like a funnel, into which demonic powers will try to cast ugly, sinful, and corrupt thoughts in an effort to keep you away from holiness, to keep you away from developing a loving relationship with God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. Do not allow anyone or anything to move you away from holiness, move you away from love and move you toward that which is ugly, perverse, and corrupt.

               Life is a constant battle, a constant war, and unending temptation to do what is contrary to human life. Man was not made to sin, made was made to love God, to love his neighbor, and to do good to those around him. Think of sin like you think of fast food, it provides nothing of value for you, for those around you, or any benefit for you in the long term. Yes, the desire to do something may sound appealing in the moment, but the long-term impact of doing something morally wrong will drive you further away from the Holy Trinity, creating a barrier and a distance between you and our Savior. 

Death of a Loved One

 

                Most of us have gone through the suffering of losing a loved one, physical death means permanent separation from someone we love, someone whose company we enjoy, and the recurring emptiness of their absence. In most cases, when someone we love physically dies, the suffering we experience is based on selfishness, on not being able to interact with them any longer, but in some cases, when someone passes, we understand that their sudden departure is a means for their suffering to come to an end.

               From a Christian perspective, when death takes someone, it is never incidental or accidental, everyone has “x” amount of days to live and the number of those days is different for everyone. If we step away from our own selfish grief, we may recognize and understand that our loved one has departed because it was the right time for them to transition into eternity.

               In some cases, we may see our loved one begin down a self-destructive path, and when their time finally comes when they cease to physically exist, we should see that everything is better for them to make that transition at this moment, rather than continuing to suffer, to be overwhelmed with grief, or to continue to descend into loss and despair.

               Everyone makes choices in life, choices that directly impact the quality of their existence, and the number of days that they have to continue living and hopefully continue being loving, productive, and positively impacting those around them. When someone begins making choices in isolation, they may make bad choices which will negatively impact them, and the lives of those around them.

               One’s use of time, one’s use of substances, and one’s use of people will all directly impact their life, the lives of those who love them, and the potential for continued positive impact on their social circles. Life needs to be seen as a time when we can pursue holiness, pursue love, and help those around us. One’s life is a time for repentance, so that one does not continue building up a mountain of corruption, hatred, ugliness, and sin, all of which will pollute one’s life and negatively impact those around him.

The historic Christian faith understands and promotes the idea of using one’s time to struggle against sin, to struggle against those things that will make one’s life continually dark and corrupt. The more one repents, the better one’s life will be as he continues down the path in the pursuit of holiness.