Needs

I typically don’t understand other people very well and I don’t understand emotions, in myself or in others.  Granted, from a logical perspective, I can understand why certain events or situations can cause duress and grief in someone (myself included), but emotionally, not so much. 

That being said, I do understand that people have needs (myself included) and I’ve come to realize that those needs, when not met, can cause horrible things to happen.   “Not seeing the forest for the trees”, “blind to oneself”, “one cannot watch oneself from the outside”, these sayings and more go a long-ways to explain what takes place.  When any one particular need is not met, one, through self-blindness will reach out, sometimes in very bizarre and destructive ways, in an attempt to fulfill those needs. 

The big question, in my mind at least, is what does one do to alleviate/avoid these situations, especially when seeing or understanding these needs does not come naturally?  And secondly, how does one respond “after the fact”?  What does one do when damage has already been done, when personality has already been formed, when decisions have been made that cannot be undone? 

Speaking retrospectively really is not that helpful, but can be for other situations. So to recognize and avoid the problem, the first step would be to ask the question, “What are the needs?”  I cannot even begin to articulate just how difficult this process can be (or typically is).  Learning to ask the question (to one’s self) and then knowing how to take care of the needs of that person, all the while doing so in a loving, non-invasive, non-derogatory manner.  Maybe this is simple and straightforward for some people, but certainly not for me.  

Ask the question, “What is the need?”